Thursday, September 29, 2005

Phillip Morris, General Mills, McDonald's, and ... Microsoft???

Bill Gates & Co. have joined the ranks of companies who try to ensure lifelong customers by getting children hooked on their products. Microsoft has announced the creation of a new programming language designed to get kids used to programming in MS's .Net environment. Kid's Programming Language (KPL) is designed to replace BASIC as the beginner's programming language of choice.

And guess what? It is very similar to .Net, so when kids are ready to make the switch to a new language, it's much easier for them to upgrade to Microsoft's proramming products than to use one of the myriad other languages out there.

Guess what else? It only works with Microsoft Windows!

There is no truth to the rumor that Joe Camel, who has been unemployed for the last 8 years, is in talks to be the spokesanimal representing KPL.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Fun at Work

Who says we have too much to do at work?

This was waiting for me next to my desk when I got back from lunch today.

This Reeks of a Scam

Last night, I arrived home to find a FedEx envelope on my doorstep. Actually, it was a plain white envelope with a FedEx label affixed to the front of it. It was rather thin, and I didn't recognise the return address, so I carefully opened it.

Inside was a letter on A4-sized letterhead (not typical American 8.5"x11") from "EuroLotto" in Barcelona. It claimed that I had won second place in a sweepstakes that I had entered online, in the amount of $940,000. Not too shabby! I am always entering drawings online, so I was glad one of them finally paid off.

Also inside was a "European Union Tax ID Application." The letter went on to state that I had to pay EU taxes on the full amount, but it could not be deducted from the $940,000 (Red Flag #1). So, they sent me a check for $4500.00 to cover the taxes. All I have to do is deposit this check, and write a check to their "law firm handling the sweepstakes for winners who are US residents" (Red Flag #2). Then I looked at the check. Its a real check, with all the security features like watermarks and color-shifting ink, but it looks like one of those QuickBooks "print-it-yourself" type checks (Red Flag #3). And it is written on an account from a construction company in Kentucky (Red Flag #4).

So I'm thinking what will happen is, I deposit this check and it goes through, and next month when this construction firm's accountant is reconciling their checking account, they find this check that they didn't write, and now I'm in hot water for forgery, meanwhile the check I wrote for $4500 is good, and now I have to pay off the construction firm, plus any legal fees I have to incur.

But its all worth it for $940,000, right?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Just In Case There Was Any Doubt...

I am 6% Idiot.
Friggin Genius
I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Hate Napoleon Dynamite, But This is F-ing Funny!

Anyone who knows me knows how pointless I thought Napolean Dynamite was. Two hours of my life I will never get back. It is as if they wrote the movie as sound bites and added dialogue to connect them. There is absolutely no plot. If you haven't seen the movie, and would like the condensed version so you can listen to the semi-funny sound bites, here it is. Oh, and you don't have to look at those ugly mo-fos they hired to act in the original...

Friday, September 09, 2005

Damn You, Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson!

So a year and a half after their "wardrobe malfunction," Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson are still wreaking havok on live network television. Last night, ABC decided to bleep the Rolling Stones while they performed "Start Me Up." Do you remember any dirty words in that song? Me neither. Apparantly double-entendres are a no-no, now.

Remember the part that goes "You make a dead man come"? They bleeped out the word "come." COME ON! This makes the leap from a lyric about re-animation to one about necrophilia. Who are these perverts in ABC's censoring panel? I am more offended that they bleeped the word than I would have been if they hadn't bleeped it.

This is getting out of hand. the only people who took the lyric's meaning in that way were creeps who like to have sex with corpses and hyper-sensitive finger-pointers who are out to spoil the fun for everyone else. You know the type, the nerdy little boy who sat in the front of the class and spastically waved his hand in the air five minutes before the bell rang on Friday afternoon, just to tell the teacher "You forgot to give us our homework assignment!" Meanwhile, everyone else shot daggers from their eyes at the back of his head.

Get a life ABC!

Thursday, September 08, 2005