Sunday, November 27, 2005

Busy Busy Busy

Holy crap! Where did the last two weeks go?

I still don't have time to write about everything I want to yet. I'm taking a quick break from homework to give y'all a sort-of coming attractions for all that's happened in the last couple of weeks.
  1. A new addition coming to the extended family
  2. Brother's wedding moved up by five-and-a-half months
  3. J's upcoming trip to MI for New Year
  4. Mother-in-law's house broken into
  5. Non-English-speaking crackhead vagrant discovered living 50 feet from broken window
  6. Angry brother-in-law locks vagrant in refuse-filled shed
  7. Sherrif's deputies arrive on Thanksgiving Day
All this, and Andy Rooney, next time I can find sufficient time to write about it. Probably when I get back to work on Monday.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Atkins Update: End of Week 1

I went grocery shopping over the weekend, to finish stocking up on Atkins-friendly foods so I don't end up blowing my diet by snacking on something I'm not supposed to have. I mentioned before that the last time I tried the Atkins diet, I eventually went off of it before the whole low-carb craze kicked in. I just couldn't stick to it because I loves me the breads. Boy was I in for a treat when I discovered all the products on the market now.

Some of my favorites:
  • Low-carb Ketchup
  • Low-carb Tortillas
  • Low-carb Pasta
  • Low-carb Ketchup
  • Low-carb Cinnamon Bun Breakfast Bars
  • Low-carb Pseudo-Peanut Butter and Chocolate Snack Bars
  • Low-carb Ketchup
  • Carb-free Fruit Punch Drinks from Tropicana
  • Diet Rite Pure Zero (cool because not only is it caffiene free and sugar free, but doesn't have Nutra-Sweet, with all its brain- and mood-altering goodness)
  • Low-carb Ketchup
  • Pepperidge Farm LOW CARB FREAKING BREAD!!!!
Did I mention they now also have Low-carb Ketchup?

They say Atkins is a lifetime change in eating habits. With all these foods available to me, I really think I can do this for good this time. I have always been a meat & cheese lover, and the only vegetables I really eat are salads anyway (and those are not just allowed, but required on Atkins). I can cut back on the bread as long as there's still some that I can eat. I just may get down to my rowing weight sooner than I have planned. You can track my progress on the chart under my profile. I will update it twice a week or so. I'm already down six pounds. Woohoo! Yay Induction! Hoorah Ketosis!

When that Buzz is Fading Fast

Does the tap on your basement kegerator take an eternity to pour your cold glass of brew?

Does the line to the keg at your backyard barbeque quickly wrap around the house and down the block?

Afraid your bride will sober up before the reception is over, making for a less-than-desired first night of wedded bliss?

Fear no more-Turbo Tap Home Edition is here!

Yes folks, the same people who brought you the concession stand Superman have brought their 4x speed beer tap to the home user.

Alcoholics rejoice! The Turbo Tap Home Edition complements the decor wherever you keep your keg, including:
  • rec rooms
  • basement bars
  • garages
  • backyard decks
  • kitchens
  • living rooms
  • bedrooms
  • bathrooms
Still unsure? The makers of the Turbo Tap Home Edition promise up to 30% greater yield form each keg. That's up to 20 more glasses of beer in between your love handles and 20 fewer glasses of foam sticking your shoes to the floor.

Don't delay! Order yours today!

Hopefully Michelob Ultra is available in kegs.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Atkins: Revisited

This past Tuesday, I decided to go back on the Atkins diet. I was previously on Atkins about five or six years ago, back when I was working at my previous employer. I had to work the night shift for a couple of months to train a few new people. I figured that since I had to bring my own meals there instead of going to the local fast food establishments, I might as well do it in a way that would help me drop some weight. It worked pretty well, I lost about 30 pounds in a few months—I forget exactly how long I was on it.

But the Atkins diet was a year or more away from being a full-fledged revolution. There were very few low-carb products on the market, save the ones that were naturally so. So after awhile I gave it up, because I was just too lazy (or busy) to go on preparing my own meals 3 times a day.

Then I got married, went back to school, and became a father.

Last month I caught strep throat from my daughter, and had to actually see a doctor if I wanted to get better. I hate going to doctors for one reason. Its not the part where I'm waiting in a room with a bunch of other sickos, wondering what weird diseases they might be spreading to me, and its not the part where I have to turn my head and cough (although that isn't very pleasent either). No, its the part where the nurse or medical assistant makes you step on the industrial-strength scale, the one that looks like they weigh bags of grain on. This last time I was there, the MA had to move the 50 lb weight over one more notch. It landed with a resounding clunk! I was officially a lardass.

I have never weighed this much in my life.

And I am going to be in my brother's wedding in 6 months.

Since the wedding is out of state for us and the wedding party, and most of our family and their friends won't be attending, the pictures are going to be spread around all over Michigan and parts unknown. I don't want any of those people (some of whom I haven't seen in a decade) looking at the pictures and saying "Boy, J got REALLY huge, didn't he?"

I did the math, and if I lose 10 pounds in the Induction phase and 2 pounds a week thereafter (not an unreasonable expectation for Atkins) I will drop nearly 60 pounds by the wedding. This is my goal, but if I reach it early, I am not going off the diet, because my long-term goal is 100 pounds. This will get me down to the weight I was when I rowed in college.

I think I will have to start lifting weights again to keep the muscle mass I had at that point in my life, which means either dropping a bunch of change on a gym membership, or convincing A that a Bowflex/weight bench or punching bag on the lanai or in the computer room is a good idea. The gym thing won't happen unless my job search pans out with a substantial increase in pay, but the way things are going lately, I'm not sure the weight bench will happen either. I will probably end up putting some posts in the ground and hanging a heavy bag in the backyard. Maybe I'll do that this weekend, after I finish my mid-term and homework. A heavy bag will definitely let me work out some job-related stress. I will just have to catch bitchface (my boss) with the digital camera so I can tape her picture to the bag.

And no, my decision to go lo-carb has nothing to do with my conversion to FSMism.