The Internet is full of awesome

I'm not saying that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990, and neither ate these guys. All we are asking is why won't he deny it?

I got a vision in my head of how it should be

What happens when you promote an event on the same morning as opening day for the NewYork Yankees by saying you are giving away Yankees tickets?

Thousands of people show up to Times Square expecting tickets to the opening day game.

What happens when those people find out that the tickets are for a game in June?

This:



"Pepsi used this as a format to promote their product and humiliate the Yankees fans."

Hey lady, Yankees fans can obviously manage that without any help from Pepsi. Like by being complete douchebags when given free tickets to a game and complaining that they weren't opening day tickets. Or by looking like this:



Or this:



Or this:



Yeah, Pepsi is the one who acted irresponsibly here.

Speaking of Pepsi, next Monday, Pepsi Throwback and Mountain Dew Throwback will be available for a limited time. Buy as much of it as you can so they are prompted to make it a permanently produced product. What is the difference between the regular and throwback versions of these drinks? Real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup, that's what.

Look for these and buy them on Monday, April 20th:

As the plane crashed down, he thought, "Well, isn't this nice"

Wired News reports on the world's largest general science conference in Boston this week:

The annual meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science is a mix of scientific workshops, lectures and public sessions that provide cutting-edge science, while also trying to tackle hot-button political issues like adapting to global climate change and embryonic stem cell research.

Of course, the Bush administration has sent its own representative to talk about all the sciency stuff:

Nina Fedoroff, science and technology adviser to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, will be giving a keynote talk called "Making the World Flat"

I wish I were making that up. At least the title implies that they know the world isn't flat already.

Open Mouth, Empty Head

A and I have a private joke between us. We call it Open Mouth, Empty Head. You see these morons in public a lot, in a restaurant, talking loudly about nothing in particular like it was the most important thing in the world.

"...and then I opened the door to my closet, and there it was! I couldn't believe I had hung it up after I wore it! I must not have been paying attention to what I was doing. It should have been in the hamper, but I hung it back up like it was clean..."

"...then this colored guy walk up to me and starts askin' me all kinds of questions an' shit that I don't know nuthin' about, so's I tol' him to go ask Billy, 'cuz Billy knows about that sort of thing, he went to the community college for a coupla years..."

"...and then she says to me, 'gramma I have to go potty!' Isn't that the most adorable thing you have ever heard? I mean she's only three and a half! She has to be the smartest little girl I have ever seen!..."

You just want to walk up to these people and tell them to shut the fuck up! Nobody wants to hear about your personal crap! People get too damn comfortable with having no privacy. There's even a whole website about overheard conversations. Most of these people have nothing interesting to say, yet insist on making sure they talk loudly enough that everyone within the vicinity knows every disgusting detail of their recent hernia surgery or other such personal information.

There is a new employee in my office who just moved into the desk next to mine, and she blathers on incessantly to nobody in particular about nothing in general.

These Empty Heads with Open Mouths need to be told to shut up. I am proposing a new national movement to do so. Don't be shy. Walk right up to them and do it! If they are on a cellular phone and you don't want to interrupt their conversation, just lower the volume, give them one of these cards. There are even some that are applicable to people who aren't even on the phone.

Help me rid the world of obnoxious, self-absorbed clouts today. If they really want people to know too much about them, tell them to get a blog, and leave your ears out of it.