Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing turns out wrong

To Boldly Go Where Everyone Is Going...Eventually

I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but when I do, I would like to be cremated. I just can't stand the knowledge that my body would be put in a hole in the ground where it would be infested with maggots, wasps, and beetles as it rots. Cremation seems so much more sanitary.

The ashes are the problem. I don't have one particular place that comes to mind as the place my ashes should be scattered. Living in Florida, the Gulf of Mexico seems nice, but its a little cliched.

Then today I found the urn I would like to spend eternity in. It, too, is a cliche: nerd wants his ashes in a Star Trek urn. But who cares? The thing looks cool! It looks more like a piece of metal sculpture than the trophy cup look of a typical urn. My kids and grandkids should appreciate such a nice piece to sit on their mantle. It could be worse: they also have Major League Baseball, Precious Moments, and AKC-themed urns.

Yes, the American Kennel Club.

As in urns for your dog.

Star Trek's not sounding so nerdy now, huh?

Oh, and for those of you who prefer to rot than to burn, they have caskets, too.

Did no one else see this coming?

I just knew that eventually I would see the headline Steve Irwin killed in freak accident. "Stingray barb to the heart" ranked 1024 in my own personal list of ways I figured the Crocodile Hunter could take the big dirt nap.

Other ways I figured he could eventually meet his maker included:

#6 Face bitten off while aggravating a grumpy koala.

#72 Car blown off the road while chasing spinning tazmanian devil.

#156 Head stuffed in a kangaroo's pouch by one of Zartan's Dreadnoks.

#499 Pneumonia.

#765 Attacked by these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane.

Freak though he was, the Croc Hunter did quite a bit for Australia's eco-tourism and conservation of its wildlife. His antics were entertaining and he will be missed.