Karaoke Set List

Ok faithful readers, since I have absolutely nothing to do at work today, I have decided to let you all pick a song for me to sing at karaoke tommorow night. There are a few that I have sung before and a few that I think I could do pretty well if I tried. Vote for your favorite in the comments section by Saturday evening, and I will sing the song with the most votes. If I can figure out how to do it, I may even post the audio or video of my performance of your selection.

Ok, here are your choices:

1. What I Got by Sublime
2. Hemmorhage (In My Hands) by Fuel
3. Zoot Suit Riot by Cherry Poppin' Daddies
4. Mr. Brightside by The Killers
5. Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi
6. Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down
7. 3 AM by Matchbox 20

**Disclaimer: Actual song performed subject to the availability of a karaoke version at Bennigan's.

Weekend Preview

It looks to be a busy weekend, folks. I had better get my homework done on my lunchbreak today, because I doubt that I will have any time to work on it before Monday.

Yesterday, my mother called me on my cell phone at work. We don't exactly have the best relationship, so I figured it must be something pretty important she needed to talk about. It was. Apparantly, my sister is failing English. What makes this my problem is the fact that she has the opportunity to do some extra credit work online, but her computer is broken. I told my mom when she bought the piece of shit eMachines box 4 years ago that I would not be the one to call to fix it when it inevitably took a crap, but every time it does, I am the one who has to go over and reinstall everything. If it wasn't for my sister, who needs this English class to graduate next month, I wouldn't do it.

So that will be my Friday night. Exciting, eh?

Saturday is a double whammy. First, in the afternoon, is a college baseball double-header with a special reception for Executive MBA students and alumni at my college. I am only going for the networking opportunities that it presents since I am in desperate need of a new job.

Saturday is also A & my anniversary.

Yep, April 1st.

April Fool's Day.

I figure, if you're fool enough to get married, might as well pick the most appropriate day of the year. To this day, I can't believe she went along with it.

Anyway, We are going out to the local Bennigan's for karaoke night. We went last weekend for the first time in almost 3 years and had a blast (at least I did), so we invited some friends to join us. If you're in the area (zip 34134), come on down and have a few with us. The more the merrier.

On Sunday, it's back to my mom's place so I can take my sister's senior pictures. I am somewhat of an amateur photographer, and have done a few weddings and such, and it was an honor to have her ask me to do them. We will probably do a few shots at the beach, sneak onto a golf course for some outdoor pics, and end up back at home for some "studio" shots.

So, that will be my weekend. I hope I can sneak a nap in there somewhere.

Half, Eddie! or, What Have You Done For Me Lately?

As of this morning I have officially passed the halfway mark on the way to my goal weight. I weighed in after my workout and was 260. So, for those of you who are keeping track, I have lost 45 pounds and have 40 more to go.

I probably won't get there by the end of June as I had originally planned, but definitely before next fall.

Jesus vs. Satan vs. ... L. Ron Hubbard???

First, Issac Hayes quit his job as the voice of "Chef" on the cartoon South Park, citing his disgust with the producers of the show over the treatment of the pseudoreligion "Scientology" in a recent episode. Apparantly treating other religions harshly was not a problem for Hayes, who has been a cast member since the first season.

(cough)hypocrite(cough)

Then Comedy Central pulled the "offensive" episode from its schedule without comment. Rumors swirled speculating that Tom Cruise, Hayes's fellow L. Ron Hubtard and subject of the South Park episode in question, threatend to boycott promotion of his upcoming summer blockbuster, Mission: Impossible, part 37—Revenge of the Sith, produced by Comedy Central's parent company, Paramount.

South Park creators Matt Parker and Trey Cool relased the following statement: "So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! … You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!"

Just in case you missed it, you can watch the entire episode here:






UPDATE: Apparantly, a friend of Hayes says that he has not quit the show and is taking it easy recovering from a stroke. No word on who issued the statement on Hayes's behalf regarding South Park's treatment of Scientology.

(cough)bullsh!t(cough)

I Hate Running (Part 2)

The whole running thing was a bust. I went for two runs last week, 2 miles each time. Well, actually I half ran/half walked. Okay, it was more like 1/3 running, 2/3 walking. Anyway, I actually went outside and travelled 2 miles under my own power each morning.

When I got to work, I could barely sit down into my chair. Later, I could barely get up out of it. I was extremely thirsty, and still drinking over a gallon of water a day, so by mid-morning the battle of wills between my thighs and my bladder had begun. My bladder had to convince my brain that the pain it could induce by bursting right this minute was greater than the pain I would feel in my thighs if I stood up from my chair.

Luckily I am a man and didn't have to sit down to alleviate the bladder situation. I would have had to use the handicap bar next to the commode.

After two days of running and screaming thighs, I decided to take a break to let my muscles heal. I had a job interview coming up and didn't want to be the EOE candidate gimping into the conference room. Day three was no better than day two. I still could not stand very easily.

On day four, the day of the interview, I started out pretty sore, but was about 75% better by the end of the day. I left work early and got to my interview, where my (hopefully) soon-to-be-new-boss met me in the lobby. The interview was on the third floor and new boss asked if I wanted to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

I responded with an enthusiastic, "Sure!" in case this was one of those behavioral tests that some interviewers throw at you. You know, like the one where they "accidentally" drop a pen on the floor just to see if you will pick it up. It's supposed to show them if you are helpful or some other b.s. like that. I didn't want to seem like a lazy slob, so I braved the stairs with him. It actually wasn't too bad, and I didn't get winded like I probably would have last year. So all the biking and running is actually helping me in ways other than losing weight.

The rest of the interview went well, and they called me back for another tomorrow. But I was starting to give up on the whole running thing. It wasn't worth the pain and having my coworkers snicker when I tried to stand up. One of them told me I looked like a pregnant woman trying to get up out of a chair. Not exactly something someone who is trying to lose weight wants to hear.

Then my mother-in-law told me she didn't like the fact that I had to cross the six-lane thoroghfare in the middle of the jogging route, so she sprung for half of a new recumbant bike. I like that thing so much better than the the old fan-resistance bike I had. Not only is the seat more comfortable (so I can stay on it longer), but not having moving handlebars frees up my arms for weightlifting, so I can keep my cardio workout going longer, while cutting down on my overall workout time because some of the weight portion can be done simultaneously.

I hit the jackpot with this mother-in-law. I always tell A that I am very glad I have the m-i-l that I do, and not the m-i-l that she has!

I Hate Running

This morning, per the directive from the little angel that sits on my shoulder, I started a running program. Running may be too strong of a word. I walked 2 miles, occasionally jogging when i caught my breath, walking again when i lost it. Here are the reasons why I hate to run:

1. Lungs burn from underuse.
2. Legs are sore the rest of the day.
3. Right thigh cramps up on the drive to work because the piece of sh!t Kia Sportage I drive was designed by 4'2" Koreans and subsequently I cannot extend my driving leg all the way out, even with the seat pushed all the way back.
4. Coughing up phlegm all day long.

Here are the reasons I will continue to run every morning:

1. Ass is fat.
2. Belly is fat.
3. Double chin.
4. Man-tits are huge.
5. Skin flaps hang from biceps like a 90-year-old woman's.
6. Stationary bike pedal broke.
7. Cool iPod arm band (a little too snug on the last notch, need to find some way to extend it).
8. Not getting shin splints (although that may be because I didn't actually run long enough to experience them).

So the reasons for outweigh the reasons against by a margin of 2-1. I can deal with the breathing problems until either my rapidly aging body gets used to it or I die of pneumonia.

Oh, and I stepped on the scale after my run and discovered that I am now down to 265. That's a total of 40 pounds lost. I don't attribute it to the run, I'm sure it was the same when I woke up, but I'm glad I checked after I got back and not before, because I probably wouldn't have gone out if I knew.

I realized as I was gasping for air that the last time I actually went for a run was when I was in crew in college. That ended in December of 1993. So this morning, I literally did something that I haven't done in over a dozen years.

What were you doing in December, 1993? Drop me a line and let me know. This should be fun.

The Gods of Fate Have Spoken

Yesterday I got on the scale for my weekly check-in. No change. Not a single pound lost in over 2 weeks. I haven't changed my eating habits, and I have been riding the stationary bike every morning, rather than every other morning. No dice.

This really sucks.

Last night, I was getting ready to ride the bike. I usually skip the morning ride on the weekends. The bike is in the same room as the cats' litter box, and it was smelling especially rank, so I removed the offending material and took it outside to the garbage can. As I was walking back to the house, I thought to myself, "It's a beautiful night. Why am I riding that bike inside for exercise when I could be working out outside?"

The answer was, "Beacuse your mountain bike has two flat tires and you get shinsplints when you run."

So I went back inside and started my ride. The new iPod was cranked up and AC/DC was blasting into my ears. At this point I continued my inner dialogue, listening in as the angel on my left shoulder and the devil on my right argued about my weight loss progress. Here is an edited transcript of the conversation my shoulder angel and shoulder devil had while I was riding the bike:

SA: "If we want to jumpstart our weight loss again, we should start running."

SD: "I hate to run. Besides, we get shinsplints."

SA: "But we will get back on track with our weight loss. You can update your geeky little Excel spreadsheet and start posting the graphs on our blog again."

SD: "That's true. But my shins will still hurt."

SA: "You'll get over it. We can run for the same amount of time that we ride the bike and it will burn more Calories."

SD: "Yeah. My ass is still pretty fat. Running will get that tightened up."

SA: "Plus you can use that new website you found to trace your route and figure out how far we run. It even calculates how many calories you burn."

SD: "That website is pretty cool."

SA: "Exactly. Plus, if we get in the habit of going early in the morning now, it won't be so stifling hot in the summer. We can start before the sun even comes up."

SD: "The summers here are a bitch. Whoever decided to move us to Florida from Michigan was a sadistic bastard."

SA: "You said the same thing about the sadistic bastard who thought it would be fun to live on campus at Michigan State so we had to walk to class in the winter."

SD: "Yeah, he is a masochist. Son-of-a-bitch either burns us alive or freezes our nutsack off."

SA: "I'd rather be hot. At least you can turn the AC on."

SD: "Until a hurricane knocks out the electricity for a week."

SA: "Don't change the subject. We are going to start running Monday morning, okay?"

SD: "Fine. But in the summer if it's too hot, we're coming back in here to ride the bike instead."

SA: "Deal."

****CRACKKKK!!!!!!*****

SD: "What the f*ck was that??!!??

The "crack" was the sound of the pedal of my stationary bike breaking off, flush with the body of the bike. Its not a replacable part. I checked it out, and short of using an arc welder to reattach the pedal, the bike is toast. I guess the angel on my shoulder wanted to keep the devil honest, so he broke the pedal.

That sadistic bastard.


UPDATE: I was able to use the "I'm starting to run tomorrow" excuse as a reason to get this iPod accessory: