Maybe next year they'll learn to hold their booze

Happy Festivus everyone!

Its a Festivus miracle!

I've got a secret I've been hiding under my skin

We have this bizarre dichotomy in the US of wanting everything to be infinitely convenient, yet infinitely inexpensive. When cell phone companies…sorry-wireless providers…started charging outrageous prices for directory assistance calls (I think Sprint is up to $2.50/number, but I could be wrong), it was only a matter of time before companies like 1-800-FREE-411 and Google started to offer free, advertising-based directory assistance.

Except Google, once again, has ulterior motives. From InfoWorld:

You may have heard about our [directory assistance] 1-800-GOOG-411 service. Whether or not free-411 is a profitable business unto itself is yet to be seen. I myself am somewhat skeptical. The reason we really did it is because we need to build a great speech-to-text model ... that we can use for all kinds of different things, including video search.

The speech recognition experts that we have say: If you want us to build a really robust speech model, we need a lot of phonemes, which is a syllable as spoken by a particular voice with a particular intonation. So we need a lot of people talking, saying things so that we can ultimately train off of that. ... So 1-800-GOOG-411 is about that: Getting a bunch of different speech samples so that when you call up or we're trying to get the voice out of video, we can do it with high accuracy.

So they are recording your voice requests and processing them to teach their ginormous computer system how to understand human speech. Just one more step toward the robots taking over the world.

Previous Stories:
Google = Skynet, Part 4
Jake's JK: This is not a good sign
Uh oh, Google is at it again
Google's Plan for Worldwide Domination

Between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile

This is seriously how I have felt all week. Just so you all know.

Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood

Grammy nominations are out today. I was looking through the list of nominees and guess what I found:

Category 19 Best Rock Instrumental Performance
(For solo, duo, group or collaborative performances, without vocals. Includes Rock, Hard Rock and Metal. Singles or Tracks only.)

* The Ecstasy Of Gold
Metallica
Track from: We All Love Ennio Morricone
[Sony Classical]

* Malignant Narcissism
Rush
Track from: Snakes & Arrows
[Anthem/Atlantic]

* Always With Me, Always With You
Joe Satriani
Track from: Satriani Live!
[Epic/Red Ink]

* Once Upon A Time In The West
Bruce Springsteen
Track from: We All Love Ennio Morricone
[Sony Classical]

* The Attitude Song
Steve Vai
Track from: Sound Theories Vol. I & II
[Epic/Red Ink]

Congrats boys! Hope you win, but looking at your fellow nominees, I'm sure its an honor to be nominated.

Hey, I just noticed that the Metallica and Springsteen songs are from the same compilation album, they should cancel each other's votes out. And aren't Vai and Satriani the same guy? At the very least, their styles are so similar, they will most likely not stand out to the voters. Looks like you might have a good chance this year!

I'm not like them but I can pretend

It must be the lack of actual words I have been writing lately. I will try to do more than just post YouTube videos from now on.

And now we meet in an abandoned studio

Line from obscure song loosely related to post subject matter

I'm on a roll...No self control

Whatever happened to stealing your dad's beer and drinking in the woods? Now kids have to shit in a bottle, piss in it, put a balloon over the opening, wait for it to ferment, then inhale the gas in the balloon to get wasted?

You think I'm kidding? Click the picture to see the bulletin.

This is what our Sheriff's department thinks? The Smoking Gun, too? Haven't they heard of Snopes?

Bonus points for Don Hunter's name and "butthash" appearing on the same page.

Sometimes the system goes on the blink and the whole thing turns out wrong

He'll save with a mighty hand

Animator vs. Animation by *alanbecker on deviantART

From the look upon your face, I see it's true: PWNED!!!

To Boldly Go Where Everyone Is Going...Eventually

I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but when I do, I would like to be cremated. I just can't stand the knowledge that my body would be put in a hole in the ground where it would be infested with maggots, wasps, and beetles as it rots. Cremation seems so much more sanitary.

The ashes are the problem. I don't have one particular place that comes to mind as the place my ashes should be scattered. Living in Florida, the Gulf of Mexico seems nice, but its a little cliched.

Then today I found the urn I would like to spend eternity in. It, too, is a cliche: nerd wants his ashes in a Star Trek urn. But who cares? The thing looks cool! It looks more like a piece of metal sculpture than the trophy cup look of a typical urn. My kids and grandkids should appreciate such a nice piece to sit on their mantle. It could be worse: they also have Major League Baseball, Precious Moments, and AKC-themed urns.

Yes, the American Kennel Club.

As in urns for your dog.

Star Trek's not sounding so nerdy now, huh?

Oh, and for those of you who prefer to rot than to burn, they have caskets, too.

JK O'Lantern

This afternoon the family carved Jack O'Lanterns.

B painted a piece of modern art:



A carved a window scene from a pattern that came with the carving kit we bought:



We all had a hand in painting a Finding Nemo jack o'lantern.



Then there was mine.

I drew up a pattern on the computer a couple of weeks ago and finally got around to cutting up the gourd. As you can see, it got a little out of hand.



I mostly shaved the outer layer of skin off to allow light to shine through. The only places where I cut all the way through the rind were at the "JK" lettering and the fog and headlights.

Best Fucking Research Study Ever, Godammit!

A new study, "Swearing at work and permissive leadership culture: when anti-social becomes social and incivility is acceptable", was just published by the Leadership and Organisational Development Journal.

An excerpt from the story at Yahoo News:

…swearing in front of senior staff or customers should be seriously discouraged or banned, but in other circumstances it helped foster solidarity among employees and express frustration, stress or other feelings.

"Employees use swearing on a continuous basis, but not necessarily in a negative, abusive manner," said Baruch, who works in the university's business school in Norwich.

Banning swear words and reprimanding staff might represent strong leadership, but could remove key links between staff and impact on morale and motivation, he said.

To that, I say: "Poop!" doesn't count:

Oral Fixation Headline of the Day

Man Bit By Rattlesnake After Putting It in His Mouth to Impress Ex-Girlfriend

Ladies, would this make you want to get back with your ex, or would you laugh at him as his head swelled up and he tried to call 911?

Today's post is brought to you by the letters W, T, and F

Hey you!

Do you want the look of a sunroof without all the hassle of cutting a hole in the top of your car, messy leaks, and annoying sunlight coming through the roof of your car?

Well, the folks over at Bridge Imports have the perfect solution for you!

It's a sticker for the roof of your car that looks like a real sunroof! Without an actual hole you can look through.

Why?

We just don't know.

Why don't you ask the douchebag in the pictures? If you have an eBay account you can contact him through the link above.

Maybe if you're willing to spend the $30, you could trick your dumb friends into thinking you had a sunroof, as long as (a) they never actually get in your car, and (b) wait, who the hell cares if you have a sunroof if they aren't riding with you?

Plans for everyone, It's in the whites of my eyes

According to this article from MSNBC, the Chinese government routinely monitor Internet usage in their country. If you use the web to view pornography, profanity, or politically unsavory writings, you should expect a visit from the local constabulary.

Now the government has created some cartoon police officers that randomly pop up on the most popular Chinese web portals to remind you that big brother is watching. To cut down on the intimidation factor, they are cute little cherubs:


In a related story, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security is now requiring the following warning label to be placed on all telephones in the U.S.:

When you're sliding into third, and you feel a great, big...

All I can say is: Subtle.

You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, er, reptiles

Amazon Beeyotch Headline of the Day

Woman Kills Raccoon With Her Bare Hands

You Say Stop, I Say Go, Go, GO!

Suffice it to say, I was royally pissed when I saw this on Jeep.com:

The Chrysler Lifetime Powertrain Limited Warranty
is the first of its kind to be offered by any automaker. Ever. Because with this warranty, you're covered, and it lasts for as long as you own your vehicle.

OUR LIFETIME POWERTRAIN LIMITED WARRANTY IS THE ICING. OUR VEHICLES ARE THE CAKE.
The big news is that this powertrain limited warranty applies to the vast majority of our great new Jeep® vehicles.* So if you want to leave civilization behind and explore the great outdoors in a Jeep Wrangler or a Patriot, our powertrain warranty will go with you. All the way.

THE NEXT STEP IS SIMPLE. GET TO YOUR JEEP DEALER TODAY.
The only difficult decision you have to make is picking which great vehicle you want. For more information, visit your local Jeep dealer.

Yes, Jeep is offering a LIFETIME warranty for all new vehicles. No mileage limit, no time limit. As long as you keep your Jeep, the powertrain is covered. That's great news. I plan on keeping mine for, well, ever.

Except I bought it 2 months before the warranty was announced. Does this apply to me? Read the fine print:

At the expiration of the 3 year/36,000 mile Basic Limited Warranty, DaimlerChrysler Motors Company LLC extends to the original purchaser or retail lessee of each 2006 model year, 2007 model year and 2008 model year Chrysler, Dodge, or Jeep vehicle sold and delivered on or after July 26, 2007 limited powertrain warranty for the lifetime of that original purchaser or retail lessee.

Fuck.

Wait a minute, dig further...

Now, if you purchased your Jeep before July 26, 2007, you can still purchase the Lifetime Powertrain Limited Warranty for your Jeep JK Wrangler and over the next 60 days, Don-A-Vee Jeep will be offering it to all Project-JK.com members at the following special prices:

Lifetime Warranty With a $100 Deductible
MSRP from Factory: $750
Project-JK.com Member Price from Don-A-Vee: Only $700

Lifetime Warranty with $0 Deductible
MSRP from Factory: $900
Project-JK.com Member Price from Don-A-Vee: Only $825

After September 30th, the price for a $100 Deductible Plan will go up to $1500 and the $0 Deductible Plan will go up to $1800 at MSRP. But, at that time, Don-A-Vee Jeep will still offer it at a discount to Project-JK.com members and at that time, the $100 Deductible Plan can be had for $900 and the $0 Deductible Plan for only $1050.

Get thee to project-jk.com, sign up, and thank Eddie and Jeff for the discount.

Roller Coaster of Love (Say What?)

Ah, the joys of travel.

We are in the middle of a 10-day vacation. It has definitely had its ups and downs. The tone was set Friday morning as I got out of my Jeep and realized I had forgotten to bring the backup disk back into the office. My complimentary half-day off was cut short by the hour it took to drive back home to pick up the disk and return it to the office for use while I was away.

A and I packed our gear and B into the Jeep, picked up her mom, and headed to the St. Petersburg airport, 3 hours away. Except we realized about 10 minutes into our drive on the highway that we forgot B's stroller. So we turned around and went back home to pick it up (sensing a pattern here?). Stroller in tow, we got as far as the exit at which we turned around earlier, and met up with rush hour traffic and a torrential rainfall. We crept for the next five miles at 10 mph or less, then the rain and traffic disappeared, almost as if by magic.

We made the rest of the trip to the airport with ease. B was a trooper, but did get a little slap-happy on the flight. We landed in Chicago, thinking the night was almost over.

We had gate-checked B's stroller, and had to stand around with all the other parents who had done the same while the porters tried not to look too interested about getting our items for us. After 20 minutes our stroller bag appeared, so we unpacked it and laid B down. We arrived at baggage claim behind most of the other passengers, but still had to wait another half hour before the buzzer sounded, alerting us to the arriving bags (which trickled out as if tiny little dwarfs were trucking them one-at-a-time from the plane).

We finally had our bags and were headed to the curb to catch the shuttle to the Budget car rental office, where we had pre-arranged to use their FastBreak service to simply pick up our car without having to check in with an agent. The Budget bus was pulling away from the curb as we were walking out of the baggage claim, but we were confident there was another one coming around soon. Forty-five minutes later one arrived, ensuring that we missed the 11 p.m. cutoff for the FastBreak office. So A had to wait another hour and 15 minutes in line to pick up our car. They did upgrade us from a minivan to a Suburban, so we were appreciative.

Next to the hotel. We had planned at staying at a Holiday Inn close to O'Hare for three reasons. One, we knew we would be getting in late and didn't want to take the time to drive into the city to check into the Hotel Indigo we were staying at for the next 3 days in Chicago. Two, we have Priority Club membership with the Holiday Inn chain, and three, it was cheaper than the Indigo.

Apparently Priority Club status means nothing at the Holiday Inn Select at Chicago/O'Hare, because they gave our room away when we hadn't arrived at midnight. We had reserved a room with two double beds, and all they had available was a suite with a pull-out couch. No way was I sleeping on one of those backbreakers, and I knew B would not have a good night's sleep on it with A's mom, either. Luckily the front desk clerk was able to reserve us a room at the Holiday Inn Express across the street.

A told the clerk at the Holiday Inn Express our story, and he empathized, upgrading us to a two-level suite. We got to the room, and it was, as B would say, GINORMOUS! We had to climb a staircase to the bedroom, where we discovered a single, king-sized bed. By 3:30 a.m. we had finally made it to a room with two beds and settled down to rest.

The next morning we checked out, drove into the city, and checked into the Hotel Indigo. That place is great! Elegant and modern, it appealed to the graphic designer in me. A's mom described it as French country, and I can neither confirm nor deny that description. True to its name, everything was decorated in shades of blue. The Indigo staff were the most friendly and helpful of any we encountered on this trip.

This has gotten to be too long of a post. More will come sometime later ths week.

Snakes and Arrows Concert Recap Coming Soon

Sorry, I had to go spend a few days working right after the concert in Tampa, so I haven't gotten around to posting a review yet. Three-word synopsis: Awesome, Expected, Funny.

In the meantime, check out this sweet ad for the new big-ass table computer from Microsoft.

Snakes and Arrows Tour Set List: Part II

Okay, the set list outlined in the previous post was confirmed at last night's Atlanta show. Click here to download an ISO image of an MP3 CD-ROM containing the album versions of every song (excluding Neil's drum solo).

Snakes and Arrows Tour Set List: Part I

Okay, one day before the tour officially begins, and I have found a complete set list that someone listening outside a rehearsal venue managed to post to The Rush Forum:

Posted by Speeding Wheels From the Mike Portnoy forum:


***SPOILER***
***SPOILER***
***SPOILER***
***SPOILER***
***SPOILER***


SPOILER PADDING


***SPOILER***
***SPOILER***



Just got back to my hotel after a VERY amazing day... but the story of the trip here is for a different thread. This thread is simply to inform everybody of tonights final rehearsal setlist.

We were NOT allowed onto the grounds of HiFi Buys Amphitheatre... .but we were told to stand across the street, which we did for a while before we found a location with better sound (and less traffic passing by!)

So... for those that want to know... here is what they played tonight!!!



Limelight
Digital Man
Entre Nous
Mission
Freewill
The Main Monkey Business
The Larger Bowl
Secret Touch
Circumstances
Between The Wheels
Dreamline
(unidentified song... there was a long silence after Dreamline so we went to find a restoom and refreshments, upon leaving the gas station we could hear SOMETHING, but couldnt make it out before it was over)

INTERMISSION


Video Intro (unable to see it... but was about 2-3 minutes long)
Far Cry
Workin Them Angels
Armor and Sword
Spindrift
The Way The Wind Blows
Subdivisions
Natural Science
Witch Hunt
MalNar
Drum Solo
Hope
Summertime Blues (ugh!)
The Spirit of Radio
Tom Sawyer

ENCORE

One Little Victory
A Passage to Bangkok
YYZ

Thats all folks!!!

Time to create a playlist in iTunes and burn to an MP3 CD for the ride up to Tampa in the new Jeep!

Jake's JK: Not that I'm going to trade it in. Ever.

It's a good feeling when you get external confirmation of something you had a gut feeling about. I knew Jeep Wranglers have a high resale value, but this is great news:

2007 Top 10 Value Retaining Cars:
The 2007 Jeep Wrangler took the top spot, having retained 73% of its value over a 5 year/65,000 mile period

Fuckn' A.

That means in 2012, if I am sick of the JK (which I truly doubt will happen) I should be able to get $18,250 for it.

Not a bad down payment.

On a 2012 Jeep Wrangler.

Rush's 2007 Snakes and Arrows Tour Countdown

Only 10 days until Tampa...

If anyone happens to see them in Atlanta or West Palm and can remember the set list (or even a partial list of songs), please leave a comment and let me know!

While we all wait in anticipation, here is the video for "Far Cry", the first single from Snakes and Arrows.

Google = Skynet, Part 4

I'm going to convince you all that Google is Skynet, if its the last thing I do (and it probably will be).

The "Do No Evil" company is at it again. Newlywed skynet Google co-founder Sergey Brin and company have plunged nearly $4 million into Anne Wojcicki's (aka Mrs. Brin's) genomics company, 23andMe, Inc.

Yes, I said genomics.

According to their website (emphasis mine):

23andMe is a privately held company developing new ways to help you make sense of your own genetic information.

Even though your body contains trillions of copies of your genome, you've likely never read any of it. Our goal is to connect you to the 23 paired volumes of your own genetic blueprint (plus your mitochondrial DNA), bringing you personal insight into ancestry, genealogy, and inherited traits. By connecting you to others, we can also help put your genome into the larger context of human commonality and diversity.

Toward this goal, we are building on recent advances in DNA analysis technologies to enable broad, secure, and private access to trustworthy and accurate individual genetic information. Combined with educational and scientific resources with which to interpret and understand it, your genome will soon become personal in a whole new way.

So, now they want us to willingly surrender our genetic fingerprints? Why, to complete their "detailed files" on us all?

According to CEO Eric Schmidt:

"The goal is to enable Google users to be able to ask the question such as 'What shall I do tomorrow?' and 'What job shall I take?'."

Sounds to me like an enslaved human race, forced to work for evil robots.

Wake up sheeple. Sarah Connor was right!

As I mentioned before, A bought tickets to see Rush in Tampa next month. The tickets were a little steep ($85 + service charges--each!) but I haven't seen them live in a decade, and A never has, so it's probably worth it. The seats aren't great, but aren't bad either. The green star shows approximately where we will be sitting.

Today, I got an e-mail from the Rush fan club announcing premium seats that had been released. Curious, I checked to see how good the seats are. The yellow star shows where I can get 2 tickets.

If I want to spend $231 + service charges, that is.

Per ticket.

OMFG WTF??????

Snakes and Arrows: First Airplay

I was driving my JK home last night around 7:30, listening to Octane 20 on Sirius, and "Far Cry", Rush's single came on. Now, I have had the album since the day it came out, and downloaded "Far Cry" from iTunes before that, but there is something about hearing your favorite band's new song play on the radio for the first time.

Plus, I got to crank up the premium Infinity sound system so loud I could feel Geddy's bass notes and Neil's kick drum in my chest. That's worth the price of the upgrade.

Jake's JK: First Trail Run

A, B, and I took the new Jeep out for a drive in the Everglades this afternoon. Here are a few pics:

Jake's JK: More Jeep Pics

Okay, here are some daylight pics of the 2007 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited with half doors (gratuitous Google Images keyword tagging).





Here's the rear half door from the inside. I know pics of these are hard to come by right now, so I'm doing everything I can to boost this site's traffic.


And these are the steps I bought from a website that lured me in with free shipping, then charged my credit card $60 for "freight". I guess that's different from "shipping". But, A called and bitched and they ended up refunding the $60, so all is good. I won't tell you the name of the website, but it rhymes with J.C. Shitney.


And finally, a plug for Eddie (WayOfLife) at Project-JK.com and JK-Forum.com, who helped me spend these four long months looking at Jeep pr0n while I waited for my JK. The "JK" sticker on top is from the Project-JK Store.

Now Presenting: Jake's JK

Okay, as promised, here are some preliminary driveway pics of my new Flame Red 2007 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited (with half doors).


It was still raining when we got to the dealership to pick her up this evening, but by the time all the papers had been signed and the keys were in the ignition, it had faded to a drizzle.


The photo above shows how the half doors look with the tops on, and with them removed below.

This is Eugene (as in Eugene the Jeep, from the Popeye cartoons).

When we got home it was almost dark, so these pictures aren't the best, but they will do the trick until this weekend when I can run a proper photo shoot.

Somebody really doesn't want me to enjoy life

About an hour before I was scheduled to leave today, the sky decided to open up and pour enough rain to make up for the last 5 months of drought.

Seriously.

I think I am in the Matrix, and they don't want me to be too happy, otherwise I might wake up.

WTF????

Guess what I get to unwrap tonight?

A got the call a few minutes ago. My Jeep has arrived at the dealership!

If I can actually get any work done this afternoon, I will be heading straight there after work. A will meet me with the check from the bank, and I will drive it home tonight!

It's about damn time!

I will post pics tonight as soon as I get them. Woohooo!

Jake's JK: This is not a good sign

So my Jeep is built, shipped, and unloaded from the train. So what is keeping it from being delivered to my local dealership?

Goddamned wildfires!

Seriously. The train unloads the vehicles in Miami, which then come across Alligator Alley on a truck. That just happens to be where a 15,913-acre fire is burning this week.

"Eh, it should be out in a week or so," sez the talking head from the Division of Forestry.

Fuck.

BTW, the kickass satellite pic of the smoke from the fires came from the MODIS Rapid Response System Gallery. Its a pretty sweet searchable database of images from NASA's satellites. You know, the ones Google will hijack when they take over the world.

Our tax dollars at work, folks.

Five? More like two

Honey, we need a couple of these

Uh oh, Google is at it again

I told you people this before, but nobody listens. Google is Cyberdyne Systems. You know, from the Terminator movies? Remember this? Or this?

Well, they are now one step closer to evil robotic domination. This time they enlisted Carnegie Mellon, Microsoft, and Intel to help the cause.

Take a look at the photo to the right. No, that is not a miniature Darth Vader helmet on top, it's a Logitech webcam. These guys are all about using cheap, easy to find parts. All the better for roving hunter-killers to scavenge spare parts from their disabled brethren.

Carnegie Mellon University researchers have developed a new series of robots that are simple enough for almost anyone to build with off-the-shelf parts, but are sophisticated machines that wirelessly connect to the Internet.

The robots can take many forms, from a three-wheeled model with a mounted camera to a flower loaded with infrared sensors. They can be easily customized and their ability to wirelessly link to the Internet allows users to control and monitor their robots' actions from any Internet-connected computer in the world.

That's waaaay too close to "allows SKYNET to control and monitor their robots' actions from any Internet-connected computer in the world."

Jake's JK: I am the squeaky wheel

Well last night the DaimlerChrysler rep finally called me. He apologized for the long wait, its a very popular vehicle, factory not able to keep up with demand, yadda, yadda, yadda.

He told me that he had sent an e-mail to the plant manager in Toledo to find out exactly what the hold-up was, and he would try entering an identical order to mine into the computer system to see if it would have the same troubles I am now having. He told me that he would call me this morning to let me know what he found out, and gave me his cell phone number and told me that I could call him if I didn't hear from him this morning.

He called me at 11:55 this morning (just barely meeting his self-imposed deadline) and told me that my Jeep was built, in storage, and waiting for a train to pick it up.

Due to a nationwide railcar shartage (which is delaying a Ford my coworker's husband ordered last month) my Jeep should ship sometime between now and May 10th.

It's time to start obsessing about something else now. Ooh! I know! The Rush concert in Tampa that A bought me tickets to!!!!

Jake's JK: Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most

I must've been sulking a little too much on Friday night, because A checked the inventory of several Jeep dealers across the state to see if there were any rigs comparable to what I ordered. There weren't, but the "other" dealer in town (the one I didn't order from) had just taken delivery of a Wrangler Unlimited with half doors-one of my "must have" options that I had yet to see in person.

We made the trek up to the dealership to take a look at it. The sales rep A talked to on the phone was working with another customer, but pointed us in the direction of the Jeep with half doors and told us she would sent the manager over with a key so we could look inside. When we got to the Jeep, I showed A why I want to install an alarm system as soon as I take possession of my Jeep. I stuck my finger under the canvas flap on the upper front door, wiggled it in, unzipped the window, reached in, and unlocked the door.

Aside from the half doors and 4 wheel drive, this particular Jeep had nothing that I wanted. I wasn't too happy with the "spice"-colored interior, and A hated the "baby-puke-shit-green" paint. So we went back inside and asked how soon they were expecting more Wrangler Unlimiteds with half doors. It turns out that they have five that should be arriving in early May, nine days before mine will even be built. I will have to compromise on a few of the extras I ordered, but nothing that is a deal-breaker. We will see how I like them when I sit in the driver's seats.

Today, I stopped at the dealership that is supposed to be working on getting my custom-ordered Jeep built and delivered. The sales manager told me that he doesn't have any answers for me. He was a little surprised that when his computer was updated this morning, it showed the same build date I was told on Friday. He said that the Chrysler rep was going to be stopping by at 3 pm, and he would give the guy my cell number.

Guess who never called?

Monday Morning Photo Quiz, Volume 2 redux

No one has given an answer to last week's MMPQ, so feel free to take a guess. Voting is open for another week. C'mon people, it's not that difficult.

Not sure what it is? There is a clue in this post.

Jake's JK: Heads are gonna roll!

As my coworkers will attest, I annoyingly call the Chrysler customer service hotline nearly every day to check on the status of my Jeep Wrangler Unlimited. I was stuck at the same status code for nearly three months (D-firm schedule - dealer has allocation and all parts available) and was given a tentative build date several times by the dealership, only to have each date pass without my JK being built. Each time I was given a new build date a few weeks later than the previous.

Last week my status jumped to D-1, which coincided with my most recent build date of Saturday, April 14. Well, Saturday came and went, and Monday and Tuesday I called to find myself still in "D-1" with a build date of April 18. Thursday (the 19th), I was told by Chrysler customer service that they needed to give me a new order number, and I had moved back to "D". Furious, A called the dealer, who told her that whoever I talked to was wrong, and his computer still showed a build date of April 25th (which we had never heard before).

So I called Chrysler again today, and they couldn't find my "new" order number, so I gave them my original one, which quickly allowed them to find that my last order status was "D1" (even though they told me "D" yesterday) and that my scheduled build date is now May 14th.

MAY FUCKING 14TH!!!!!

I ordered the sonofabitch on January 19th. You can't tell me that it takes four fucking months to schedule and build a Jeep the way I want it. As a matter of fact, I know it doesn't, because I have toured the Audi factory in Ingolstadt, Germany, and they are the model of efficiency and custom manufacturing, and because other people here ordered theirs after I did, and are already driving theirs. One lucky stiff ordered his, only to have it damaged by crashing into an overpass while being delivered to the dealership, and got his replacement built and delivered. All since I ordered mine.

DaimlerChrysler, Chrysler Group, Jeep, and my local dealership (who I will not name because I don't want to give them any publicity-good or bad) have all been pretty apathetic about my situation. None of them seem to think that it's a problem that a returning customer is treated so poorly. If I didn't feel so strongly about the product, I would go elsewhere. I am not willing to sacrifice on brand, model, extras, color, or any other variable. I just want this Jeep:

2007 WRANGLER UNLIMITED X 4-DOOR 4X4 S Pkg.
Flame Red Clear Coat
Roof: Black Soft Top
Interior: Dark Slate Gray/Medium Slate Gray
6-Speed Manual Transmission
Half Metal Doors with Locks
Trailer Tow Group
Command-Trac® Shift-on-the-Fly 4WD System
Next Generation Dana 44 Heavy Duty Rear Axle
Trac-Lok® Limited Slip Rear Differential
4.10 Axle Ratio
16" Aluminum Wheels
368W 7-Spkr Infinity® Sound Sys Incl Subwoofer
AM/FM Stereo Radio w/In-Dash CD Plyr/MP3 Capability
SIRIUS® Satellite Radio
Air Conditioning
Locking Fuel Filler Cap

Actually, I could live without the Trac-Lok Differential and locking fuel cap, and I might take another color or larger wheels, but that's it. Everything else is non-negotiable. If you are a dealer and can get me one faster than May 15th, let me know. If you work for Chrysler or Jeep and can do something to get my production date moved up, please do it. I will be eternally grateful.

Extreme Fun with Keywords: Jeep Edition

It has been almost six months since the last time I posted anything about the weird shit people search the Google for that leads them to my site. Since there are a boatload of searches regarding my recent Jeep posts, I decided to break the latest round of Fun with Keywords into two parts: Jeep and non-Jeep. The non-Jeep version will be coming up later this week.

After looking into the Jeep-only searches, I found there are four subcategories:

1. People looking for brochures
2. People looking for information or pictures about half doors
3. People looking for information about production delays, lead times, or their order status.
4. General 2007 Jeep Wrangler information.

Here's the first batch, Brochures:

1995 wrangler dealer brochure
2007 jeep brochure
2007 jeep wrangler brochure
2007 wrangler brochure
jeep 2007 brochure
jeep 2007 wrangler brochure
wrangler 2007 brochure

Ummmm, check out Jeep.com, retards, I bet you'll find one there! Hey look, there on the left, "Brochures".


Next is the group nearest and dearest to me, Half Doors:

2007 jeep unlimited half doors order date
2007 jeep unlimited no half doors availability
2007 jeep wrangler jk replacement doors
2007 jk unlimited half doors
2007 unlimited half door
2007 unlimited half doors
2007 wrangler half framed doors
2007 wrangler unlimited half doors
2007 wrangler unlimited jk half doors
2007 wrangler unlimited picture half doors
half door availability on jeep wrangler unlimited
how much are the new jk half doors
jeep half doors
jeep unlimited jk half door wait time
jeep unlimited with doors removed for street driving
jeep wrangler brochure 2007
jk "half doors" availability
jk jeep wrangler half
jk unlimited half doors
jk wrangler unlimited half door job #1
making 4x4 half door
picture of 2007 jeep unlimited with half doors
picture of 2007 unlimited with half doors and soft top
picture of half doors wrangler unlimited
replacement half doors for 4 door jk
unlimited half door availability
when are half doors for wrangler being shipped
where are the half door 2007 unlimited
wrangler half door job 1 date
wrangler unlimited 2007 half door set

I can't say I blame them. I have been looking since December and I only last week found pictures of actual production half doors. Here.)

Jeep waited a little too long to make this feature available for purchase. As you can see here, it is a very popular option for Wrangler fans. Hell, I have been waiting for almost three months just for the half doors. I could have walked off the lot with a JK with full doors in January, but I chose to wait. Judging by these searches, a lot of other people have, too. Smart business plan, DaimlerChrysler! Put off a large segment of your loyal Jeep customer base to fill up dealer lots with "Mall Rated" soccer mom editions that just sit there because the ride is too rough to put on makeup. It's a Jeep! It's supposed to be utilitarian. Hell, the original models didn't even have roofs, let alone roll-up windows on their non-existent doors. End rant.


Here's the biggest batch of searches, Production Times:

2007 jeep wrangler delivery status
2007 jeep wrangler production order availability wait list time
2007 jeep wrangler unlimited backlog
2007 jeep wrangler unlimited backlog of orders
2007 jeep wrangler unlimited delivery time
check on ordered jeep status
checking the status of an ordered vehicle jeep
chrysler vehicle order status
delivery problems with jk jeep
delivery time 2007 wrangler unlimited
how long are wrangler rubicon 2007 orders taking
how long for delivery of my wrangler
how long to manufacture a jeep wrangler
jeep accepting orders
jeep build status code
jeep jk order status
jeep jk production
jeep jk unlimited rubicon order lead time
jeep order status codes
jeep rubicon 14 week wait for delivery
jeep rubicon six month wait for delivery
jeep wrangler 2007 order waiting time
order backlog for 2007 jeep wrangler unlimited
order status 2007 jeep wrangler
production stopped for jeep wrangler unlimited
production time for 2007 jeep rubicon
why is it taking so long to get a new unlimited jeep sahara delivered
why is it taking so long to get my new jeep unlimited?
why is the jeep wrangler taking so long
wrangler jk delivery time
wrangler unlimited backlog

I must say, I have found the answer to several of these queries, and here is what I know. 2007 Jeep Wranglers are taking anywhere from 4 weeks to over 6 months to manufacture when built to order. Some things slowing down orders are the Rubicon package, half doors on 4-door models, dual tops, and the MyGig navigation and entertainment system. Half doors on Unlimiteds actually went into production this month, so if you order them now, you should not expect the delays like I have experienced. As far as checking your order status or deciphering order status codes goes, refer to my earlier post.


And finally, General Jeep Inquiries:

07 jeep jk wrangler unlimited
1995 wrangler sale florida dealer
2007 jeep jk owners
2007 jeep unlimited
2007 jeep wrangler and difficult to steal
2007 jeep wrangler jk
2007 jeep wrangler limited
2007 jeep wrangler unlimited
2007 jeep wrangler unlimited forums
2007 jeep wrangler won't start
2007 wrangler
2007 wrangler unlimited photo picture
black strap with a button for jeep jk
costume 4 door wrangler
jeep center console jk 2007
jeep comment
jeep jk
jeep jk no a/c
jeep jk problems
jeep jk unlimited canvas tops
jeep rumors (2007 or 2008)
jeep wrangler
jeep wrangler limited 2007
jeep wrangler unlimited
jeep wrangler unlimited x toronto
jk jeep
jk soft doors
parts for 2007 4 door jeep wrangler
set time on 2007 wrangler radio
test drive new jk jeep
wrangler unlimited sleep setup

A couple things worry me about this batch. "2007 jeep wrangler won't start" and "parts for 2007 4 door jeep wrangler" don't bode well for a future owner, however, I do know that there was a "stall bug" in early production units that was fixed with a flash update to the computer.

Also, "costume 4 door wrangler"??? Who is dressing up like their Jeep? Maybe in anticipation of the new Transformers movie? This takes the prize for the weirdest search for this episode.

Coming Soon: more crazy Fun with Keywords

Monday Morning Photo Quiz, Volume 2

Congratulations to Libby, the winner of last time's Monday Morning Photo Quiz. Her answer "one of Pam Anderson's ruptured breast implants after removal" was the only answer, so it most closely matched the correct answer, which is "Neuticles® ULTRAPLUS® feline testicular implant." According to Neuticles.com (don't skip the intro, it's worth the price of admission):

Over 225,000 caring pet owners Worldwide have selected Neuticles as a safe, practical and inexpensive option when neutering. Neuticles allowing (sic) your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering.

So now you know. As promised, the link to the winner's website is posted on the right for this week only.

Here is This week's Monday Morning Photo Quiz:

What the hell is this?



Rules and Regulations

1. Post your answer in the comments below.
2. In the event of a tie, the most "reasonably" accurate answer will determine the winner (e.g., "1957 Chevy steering wheel" beats "steering wheel").
3. Accuracy trumps timing, so feel free to post a more accurate answer than an earlier poster if you think you can do better (again, keep it reasonable... "1957 Chevy steering wheel" is good enough, and I won't allow "Chevy steering wheel with chrome alloy interior and genuine calfskin leather cover originating at Tate Farms in Gurnee, Ohio slaughtered on October 7, 1957" to win).
4. Failure to follow these rules will result in a penalty up to and including death. Just kidding! I will just ignore your entry.
5. Final determination of each weekly winner will be made solely by me. I may or may not abide by the above rules. Deal with it.

Edit: Typo on name of Neuticles site

Dammit! Janet! Time-waster of the Week

Since we weren't that busy at work today, Beth sent me a link to my favorite new time-waster: You Are Damned! It's a site where you can put in the name of your friend, enemy, mother, or favorite celebrity to damn them to Hell for eternity. The catch is, you must have a reason why they are being damned.

Some people are truly angry, and damn someone for something truly damnable:



Others just bust their friends' humps:



Some of the damnations are political (I saw George W Bush damned at least a dozen times):



Others are pseudo-ironic:



Many showcase the efficacy of the American public school system:



As usual with the Internets, there is a healthy dose of pop culture:



And who can resist the token Howard Stern reference?



Damn your friends and enemies today!